My arms are tired from banging the drum for Mac to go and take his BBQ sauce with him.

You boys and girls hear that? No? Well, I was banging the drum like I was Brennan at the Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. I wanted McElwain Gone, honestly, I wanted him out before the season began. The Michigan game just made it easier, because it was clear that in year 3 with him as coach, UF was going nowhere. Now the haters, to which there were many, said “Oh, 1 loss and you want to fire the coach? You’re Crazy!” “The Gators will NEVER win with fans like you!”

Jim Mcelwain may be a good and decent man. We may never know, because I dont think he managed to really ever answer a single question while at UF. Instead Mcelwain tried to always speak in vague generalities and give a buttery toothy grin, like he said something brilliant.

Oh God, Thank you for not making me watch another Jim Mcelwain halftime interview, where he says some BullShit, like, “Yeah, We pretty much sucked donkey dick out there in the first half on offense and didnt give our defense a chance. But hey, thats like life man. you know. You have to suck some dicks to get a head in life.” que-Buttery tooth grin. Image result for Jim Mcelwain butter teeth

But what really got him fired? Simple, Mac is an asshole. Now, You can be an asshole in life. I’ve been called it, maybe just north of 1 million times, like to think I am  a living testament that you can be one. Nick Saban is considered by most people; who aren’t fucking their cousin, considered to be an Asshole, that’s trying to put you behind the wheel of a brand new Mercedes Benz.  But he wins, so Saban can be one. When you don’t win, you don’t get to be that same level of ass.

On the Field or the Auto Lot, Nobody and I mean nobody, Beats Me. Image result for Nick saban mercedes dealership

And on to more fun things, like who’s next to be on the sidelines? I don’t know and neither do you. But, I do hope we hire a coach who wears a visor. It’s time we made the visor great again.

Make America Great Again was a campaign slogan Trump rode all the way to the white house like a magic carpet ride. So, it’s time we make the Visor Great Again.

But If were talking serious for a second, which we will do every once in a while, my top 5-8-10 would look like:

  1. Jon Gruden – Calm down. Don’t start shaking your head, saying, Gruden isn’t going to Florida. I don’t know if he is, or if he isn’t, and neither do you or your “connection” you think you may have. The guy is a coach at heart and I would think at the end of the day wants to coach. If you took away Michaelangelo’s paint brushes for 10 years and all he had done was critique art, you telling me he wouldnt of gone back and finished that 16th chapel. he would of just let his legacy ride on those first 15? no. Florida should just not be cheap and back the dump truck loaded down with cash and let Gruden say a number. I really think any number short of 12 million would be a fair value, and worth it. Tell me why Florida wouldnt be Alabama, without the inbred retardation? I’ll wait….
  2. Chip Kelly – I don’t care about whatever the NCAA penalties say, they’re all BS. UF has attornies, so does Chip, use them and fight that in court. That’s one of the reason’s attorneys exist, i think? Kelly would kill at Florida. The Guy would clean up in recruiting in the state of Florida. Offense would be fun again in Gainesville. Going to take atleast 3 years to get offense going to full potential, but this is one where I think the juice is worth the squeeze. Now the first 2 are no brainers. If you really have anyone else above those 2 as your coach that you want, that is “realistic” (Bob stoops I dont think is realistic) (If you even think Les Miles, please go jump in lake Alice with bacon wrapped around your neck.)
  1. (3) Dan Mullen – has achieved I think the maximum at MSU. he gets bonus points for wearing a visor. loses points because he seems like a nerd. I just think there’s a play on his play sheet called “The Annexation of Puerto Rico” Image result for the annexation of puerto rico little giants

5. Scott Frost – I dont know. they just say his name alot. his record really isnt all that impressive, but he has that chip kelly type offense. seems like a coach that could kick the other coaches ass if he needed to, and that matters, because when the shit goes down, I need a coach that can throw hands.Image result for scott frost

6. My wildcard, one that I was maybe talked intoImage result for Lane Kiffin sunglasses? Lane Kiffin. That’s right. think about it. let that marinate for a little bit in the cerebral cortex. No big deal, but the cerebral cortex is the largest part of your brain. where thought occurs. Mine happens to be large. Big brain issues people.  I mean when you roll up to the game with this look, you already won. It’s Gators by 60 right off the bat. Image result for Lane Kiffin sunglasses

Liked what you read? Please comment, and share. Didn’t like what you read? Well, then, I hope you get a stocking full of expired McElwain BBQ sauce.

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